pushing the mirk aside

i'm sitting around after a long day...sipping a big glass of french red and waiting for some valerian root to kick in. i strained my back today and can hardly move! it figures baby D is cutting molars and is extra needy and that little J is home sick with a sore throat...i cannot even lift the baby it hurts so much!

but i did get a lot of work accomplished despite the doctor's appointment, the incessant rain and the back-wack. yay for me.

i did a little graphics job for a new furniture company in maine called American Doll Furniture. they make lovely furniture in a neat little wood shop down in north berwick, maine. i finished a little stamp that goes on the bottom of each of their pieces...and i have business cards, a letterhead and a pamphlet displaying their work in the works, too. yay!



i also worked on some of the overall design plan for Kate's cookbook. i got myself so excited about it...i want to pass it by her before i get set on working it the way i have in my mind...but i think she is going to love it. the main theme is that the cookbook, the recipes, drawings, stories are personal and i have a plan that will make them FEEL personal and special and handpicked by Kate. in my humble opinion it is her that makes this book so special...she's amazing, funny, creative and that is what has to shine through.

ahhhhhhh...my back is starting to loosen up a little.

it is a good to dive into work instead of swimming around in one's own mirk. i happily pushed a lot of shit in my head aside today to get stuff accomplished and i am so proud of myself.

peace...

i just have to say...

i was always a night owl...even as a kid...i hated to miss a beat of the day and go to sleep! and then, in the morning, i'd hate to pull myself from my amazing, vivid dreams to wake up.

put, these days, i find an asston of pleasure in the wee hours of the morning before anyone has woken up. who knew?? i can do yoga without a baby crawling through my legs...no one is talking at me...there are no needs floating about except my own.

and coffee tastes that much better in the quiet of pre-dawn, before 6 AM.

this morning, it's 5:15, i've already showered, dressed, done the dishes that i abandoned last night to care for sick baby D and i am about to do some yoga and then begin a bit of cookbook work before waking the brood, making their lunches etc...

<3 this type of morning <3

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two hours later: and right after i published this entry Baby D woke up and has had me covered in hummus, chewed pretzel, boogers, orange pulp and tears... :( he is feverish and restless and miserable. so i take it back...i love the above kind of morning when everyone is healthy. but, this kind of morning, actually, i do not love.

down with chaos...

with all of the work i have coming in, i am finding myself needing to organize the tiny corner of our house i share with our rat terrier. big time.

this little 6x3 space, packed with bookshelves and drawers of art supplies and my beloved mac and scanner and my epson printer, is the hub of all of my different roles. it is my command center. and i am definitely not known for being organized. i tend to live in and thrive in chaos if left to my own devices.

but over the past four or five months there has seriously been a drastic shift in me. i have begun to appreciate sparsity and having a place for everything. back in september j hired someone to help me clean the house. it was such a blow to my ego at first! then i learned to make having her come every other week work for me...and now, (with our new tightened budget we can't afford her) i can and do keep the house clean all by myself. it is surprising even to me, but i have had family that knows my chaotic nature stop by unexpectedly and exclaim at their surprise at how tidy our world is these days. i kind of love it. i think i've become obsessed. <3

so...i have begun to organize this little nook. it has been clean, just not entirely organized. i created an area designated to files which hold all of our financial stuff and records...an area designated to kids' school stuff...an area designated to the cookbook design job...an area designated to jewelry and art supplies...a space for photographic equipment...sigh...the list goes on and on. i'm not finished, but i feel like i can successfully begin the book now and not feel like i am drowning in disorder.

i really think that being organized, and purposeful is helping me and my family get to a better place...to achieve our individual and collective goals.

<3 cheers to cleanliness & orderliness.

a touch of independence...

i opened my own checking account. and i've earned a little bit of money to stick in it. and though this is a small fete (i don't even have as much money as my children do in my account yet) i feel quite liberated. i can't explain the disempowerment i feel as the stay-at-home parent, though i love taking care of my brood more than anything...

my man and i have successfully put a budget into the works...successful in that we didn't kill each other in the process. and so far our household has held to the budget. things are tight...and we have a lot of saving hopes and very responsible goals incorporated into it. art, however has been left out of the budget. and the debt that i have accrued in the hopes of staying a "working artist" so that i can go to a good grad school for art therapy eventually (accumulating supplies and gear and equipment with which to create art and get my BA) has been pretty much scowled upon.

so i am determined...DETERMINED...to earn my own money that will pay for art supplies both past and present. i need to creatively find ways to work and earn money while still maintaining my home (we can no longer afford the help i had with the house that i had while the children were homeschooling...though i must say it helped me organize the world here enough so keeping it tidy is far more manageable) and still taking care of my family the way i like to.

the first thing i am going to do, to start, is have a weekly art auction like i have been for the past couple of weeks. this is helping me to alleviate my stockpile of work, use up my supplies and get my creative urges out. it brings in a little money, too...not what i'd get in a gallery, but also i really do love the thrill of the auction thing. so it's all good.

secondly, i have begun more work on the cookbook that i am working from home designing and trying to get publishing (or self publishing it if all else fails) for Kate Cheney Chappell. i've been in touch with an amazing publishing company and am hoping that i can inspire her to get me more stuff to work on and get a handful of hours in designing the book from home every week. that job is so exciting to me, too...i can hardly wait for it to take off more! she's in such demand though!

also, i have begun to think about green cleaning again. i know it may sound weird and even yucky to some people, but i actually like making a person's home feel clean, smell wonderful and taking stress off of people. i used to do it and had planned to start a healthy business for moms. i wanted to be able to provide green work for people during "mother's hours" and my business plan even incorporated getting them health insurance. but when i became pregnant with baby D...it just got to be too much. i really developed a fondness for several of the people i worked for though...and i was thinking that if i went back to cleaning for them that i would do it at a reduced rate if i could bring my baby. there is no way that i will put him into daycare and my family is just not really available for such a regular babysitting schedule. so i would knock 10 bucks an hour off the cost of cleaning if he could come. there are also a few people that i have yet to clean for that i can imagine this scenerio working with. it could be a way for someone who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford a good green cleaning to get one!!! it may or may not work...

and lastly, if i can't make enough to significantly reduce my debt with the above work...i am thinking of going back to Street & Co for one night of work a week. great money. great people. amazing food...i love it there and i often miss it. the reason it is last on the list howwever is because i would be impeding on J's life. he'd need to take care of the children and support my working because it is at night and i am honestly not sure he is capable of that.

so...i have a plan. i have a checking account. i have a little nest egg growing...i am hoping to pay all of my own credit and student loan debts every month...this month already i may be able to do that if i can get on the ball! and then once it is all paid off (i could do it in about 10 months if i bust a move on) i want to save up for several things not in our "budget"...yoga teacher training...a metalsmithing jewelry class at heartwood college of art...a really nice camera, like a canon Rebel...and the tattoo i have been dreaming of getting that represents my family and motherhood...

i am filled with a surprising amount of patience. and i know i can do it all by myself.

peace out.