poetry. kind of.

i have poetry in my blood. some unnamed great great uncle of mine was poet laureate of italy way back when...and i have always loved writing it. not that i am any good at it, it is more of a personal and therapeutic act than anything else. i do so love words.

my personal history with poetry is spotted...i wanted to major in it after getting a full scholarship for writing to Southern Connecticut State University, but my dad convinced me to major in something more practical, journalism. i listened to dad, unfortunately, but did finally take a poetry class in my junior or senior year at SCSU. it didn't go well.

i was asked to leave poetry 101 by the well known writer, my professor, Charles Fort. for vulgarity!!! hahaha! rebellious, in your face and overly ineloquent youth that i was...he asked us to write a poem about our most hated household chore and i wrote about cleaning a toilet that had been over exposed to men...yellow crust and short and curlies and whatnot. it was an effective, gag inducing poem. exactly how i feel when subjected to such ick. i also remember writing a poem about being five and helping my dad hang a deer he had shot in a tree...to drain the blood out of it before it was butchered. it was a bloody and graphic poem...but so was the experience. i was proud when an appalled freshman left the class in disgust. charles wasn't so impressed and viewed me as disruptive.

anyway...
i feel a wad of poetry gurgling in my throat...i think it's my way of purging the unspeakable...i plan on posting it here. i guess this is a warning. it's private...but not. and well...i just want anyone that checks this blog out to stand forewarned. i might get graphic...you never know.

<3

pushing the mirk aside

i'm sitting around after a long day...sipping a big glass of french red and waiting for some valerian root to kick in. i strained my back today and can hardly move! it figures baby D is cutting molars and is extra needy and that little J is home sick with a sore throat...i cannot even lift the baby it hurts so much!

but i did get a lot of work accomplished despite the doctor's appointment, the incessant rain and the back-wack. yay for me.

i did a little graphics job for a new furniture company in maine called American Doll Furniture. they make lovely furniture in a neat little wood shop down in north berwick, maine. i finished a little stamp that goes on the bottom of each of their pieces...and i have business cards, a letterhead and a pamphlet displaying their work in the works, too. yay!



i also worked on some of the overall design plan for Kate's cookbook. i got myself so excited about it...i want to pass it by her before i get set on working it the way i have in my mind...but i think she is going to love it. the main theme is that the cookbook, the recipes, drawings, stories are personal and i have a plan that will make them FEEL personal and special and handpicked by Kate. in my humble opinion it is her that makes this book so special...she's amazing, funny, creative and that is what has to shine through.

ahhhhhhh...my back is starting to loosen up a little.

it is a good to dive into work instead of swimming around in one's own mirk. i happily pushed a lot of shit in my head aside today to get stuff accomplished and i am so proud of myself.

peace...

ohhhhhh...shizzle and a purl stitch.

i have been in a real funk lately...feeling some hard times...hard lessons to learn. i suppose it's par for the course...we all have to grow and growth doesn't come without pain.

the good part about this experience is that i have looked inward a lot throughout the whole undermining mess, trying to figure out where the bad feelings, the insecurities, are coming from. and i have realized that i truly love myself...and my life. that i need to stop looking for love and acceptance and kindness from others...no matter who they are. i have come to really understand that to be happy, i need to find and hold dear the goodness i have within...the sweetness that comes from caring for myself and my family, appreciating the beauty in my life, from giving my all to meaningful work. i don't need to look outside of me. it's all right here. and it's protective like an armor. it doesn't matter what hurtful things people do or say with a strong heart. <3

luckily, when i look inward there is a bright light shining. i am happy. i am warm. i have enough love and light within myself to get me through any hard time. plus, i have the best friends anyone could ever wish for. no matter what fate has in store for me, i have the strength to handle it.

i do admit though...a new $210 avocado green, scoop neck, chunkily knit, knee length sweater dress that i found on the clearance rack for a mere 5 bucks at tj maxx didn't hurt either. it's beautiful. the knit is almost backward looking...like it was purled instead. i love it. it's clever and so well made. with leg warmers and knee high socks on, well...i am ruling my little kingdom quite happily. i just may borrow one of the kids' crowns from the dress-up box tonight.

note to self: ~must not forget that i am queen bee.

free art work!

i'm having a little give away on my facebook art page... come and become a fan, enter the drawing and perhaps win a 5x7 digitally toned blind contour drawing "pods"...

foody!

i have been working on Kate Cheney Chappell's cookbook all week and have been swimming in great new recipes to try. i figured that it is the best way to help write acookbook...dive into the recipes and the food.

so i went grocery shopping at my new favorite spot, market basket in portsmouth, NH this week. it's no whole food market, but i recently discovered that most of whol foods own brand of veg comes from China. so what's the difference? market basket has good quality food, a lot of organic and all natural products and i have been saving about $75 a week shopping there.

so this evening, my kitchen is fully stocked and i'm ready to cook! trouble is i'm almost on over load! everything sounds so good i can't decide what to cook first!

to circ or not to circ...

i read a big long debate tonight on circumcision. i realized that a lot of moms-to-be out there do not have good information about circs and that they are COMPLETELY not necessary. i guess i never realized a mother with no strong attachment to the idea of circumcision would want their child to undergo such an unnecessary ordeal.

i do not know a single parent who did not circumcise their son to regret it...however i know many parents who have that do.

for the record... circumcision as a cleanliness issue is a total myth. there is seriously nothing necessary about it. it hurts baby, takes a long time to heal and is basically some weird form of accepted mutilation. anyone having a boy baby and wanting info feel free to contact me and i'll share.

you can go to youtube and watch a live circumcision. that should help you understand what you are doing before hand for sure...don't think it'll be as easy as it is to watch the video as it will be to witness your own baby go through it either. ouch.

i just have to say...

i was always a night owl...even as a kid...i hated to miss a beat of the day and go to sleep! and then, in the morning, i'd hate to pull myself from my amazing, vivid dreams to wake up.

put, these days, i find an asston of pleasure in the wee hours of the morning before anyone has woken up. who knew?? i can do yoga without a baby crawling through my legs...no one is talking at me...there are no needs floating about except my own.

and coffee tastes that much better in the quiet of pre-dawn, before 6 AM.

this morning, it's 5:15, i've already showered, dressed, done the dishes that i abandoned last night to care for sick baby D and i am about to do some yoga and then begin a bit of cookbook work before waking the brood, making their lunches etc...

<3 this type of morning <3

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two hours later: and right after i published this entry Baby D woke up and has had me covered in hummus, chewed pretzel, boogers, orange pulp and tears... :( he is feverish and restless and miserable. so i take it back...i love the above kind of morning when everyone is healthy. but, this kind of morning, actually, i do not love.