my world...

this is in the deep chill of the winter...but a view of our desolate backyard without the old barn or the new dream of one. i am trying to will flourishing beauty and a safe place to play into my world...send barn energy this way. <3

weep

i cradle your giant head
like a milk-fat baby
as your juicy man tears plop
into the plush of my lap

long overdue, you blubber,
sputter and cough out a cry
and despite my resistance to you
it renders you beautiful

i...nk

i went to see a man about a wallaby today!

well, actually i visited chris dingwell about a tattoo. one that i have been destined to get for about 20 years. it is quite symbolic and had to happen right now...right this very minute!!! it is a commitment to myself and my children to be true to myself. it is a symbol of the love and nourishment i give off in this life. it is covering over the first tattoo that i ever got...bought for me by my high school boyfriend and will cover my ankle, the front of my leg and part of my foot. it feels like i am symbolically busting out of the tight skin of a bubble designed to restrain someone and bursting into my own true form. big, beautiful red poppies that symbolize happiness, nourishment, beauty, growth and an uncontainable, intoxicating life force. i can hardly wait. april 1st. it is the day.

chris is amazing. a sweet friend for many years...and one of the most dynamic and distinctive tattooers around. he and i have talked about this for a few years now...and i am finally putting my foot down and getting down to business. with all that has gone on in my life recently, i need to do something to symbolize my strength...my independence and my outlook on life. i really thought that my mama tattoo would come first... (Matt W! don't forget me!!) but i am still working on that one. certain issues are dictating that this happen now.

peek at the breathtaking work that he does from sanctuary tattoo in portland, maine. you'll be floored.

peace out.

mantra of the day

"i will not be a participant in my own diminishment."
said the orchid trying to eek out a life in siberia...

staying true to my my raucous lovey self

the sun shining through my kitchen windows illuminates the dust. it is symbolic. despite my crazed efforts to keep my world neat tidy and organized there is a layer of dust that has settled. i think instead of a vacuuming i need to take this world outside and give it a good shake.

the two big boys and i went to see Alice In Wonderland last night...in 3-d at imax. and it was like an amazing vacation. seriously. i left the theatre feeling like i had gone away. perhaps it was that i was without baby for over two hours...it's been ages since i've been away from him...but really i think it was the absolutely engulfing cinematography. it blew me away and sucked me in. <3

the story is what punched me in the face. i think sometimes i doubt myself...and take the path certain people around me expect me to take.

and i suppose that there is nothing really wrong with listening to others sometimes...however, my life, when i live it my way, is always a glorious burst of raucous flaming joyous love. and i love it that way. there are times that my pop gets dampened and i am not as me as i could be if i had just followed my own heart. in the words of the hatter, i lose my "muchness."

so lesson learned at big disney movie = follow my own heart and f@ck the naysayers and overbearing uninvited people trying to "guide" me. <3

and the biz card...

i just wanted to post the business card i whipped up for my friends...