Thursday, October 29, 2009
dia de los muertos part ii
and our skulls are done! we had a blast doing this project. now what to create with them???
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
it's a hard-knock life
yes...i did recently watch Annie. the boys, despite their initial protests, loved it, too. i knew they would.
but my post really isn't about orphans, or hard financial times...it's about dealing with difficult people. like mrs.hannigan in annie. the orphans needed her and had to take her abuse for the most part...but wouldn't it have been nice if they could have set boundaries for themselves in order to keep her at bay??
i am so lucky to be surrounded by amazing boys and a loving man that support me as i deal with relationships that i find toxic. i am lucky. j and i have worked hard to find a place of trusting and understanding one another in hard circumstances...and we have succeeded.
some of my experience with toxic relationships have been with people that can be simply released into the abyss of the universe such as the family i discussed in the previous post about karate...they were toxic, mentally ill and potentially very harmful to my family. it was the right thing to do to set large boundaries to keep them from hurting my kids. i could not help them myself.
but then there are some relationships that are more challenging, relationships with people ingrained in one's life that cannot be simply cut off like fat from a roasting chicken. these relationships are necessary, yet can be toxic all the same. abusive even.
in such a case, i am finding, there needs to be clear boundaries. a verbally abusive family member cannot be enabled to be insensitive and hurtful. what excuse is there to allow oneself to get to the point of lashing out with hatred, volatility, curses and even violence? to get to the point of complete disrespect for people in their life...people who are a big part of their life. a person pushed to that type of extreme needs to seek help for themself. period. and cannot be allowed their cruelty. clear limits have to be stated and adhered to in order for the relationship to work at all.
not to say that that person or people need be denied forgiveness or love, or the chance to better themselves, though what they say may be hurtful, spiteful, cruel. i do believe that this type of person needs to be held accountable for their own hurtful reactions, outbursts and irreverence. however, from experience i can say that the abuser often times does not recognize their own abuse, no matter how hard the abused tries to show them. the abuser may try to run from ownership of it and even throw the blame for it onto the abused.
it is this point in the cycle of abuse when i realize i cannot help the abuser...but simply need to uphold my limits and protect and love my family, whether or not they all ask for it (some family members may take the abuse so as not to cause a stir, thus unwittingly enabling the abuse, but do not want it in their lives....unable to defend themselves for some fear is holding them back).
and thus it is...that i will not stand to see abusive behavior thrown at my family...nor will i stand for disrespect to them either, especially from someone whom we give unconditional support and energy to. i am setting clear boundaries and stating what i will and will not tolerate clearly. and this may feel uncomfortable for me to do...and for the others involved, it may also come as a relief to some who find it hard to defend themselves...it may feel hurtful to the abuser, but it is necessary for all involved. and perhaps that abuser will eventually see that their behavior has been cruel, and malicious, and simply abusive...and then again, perhaps not.
but my post really isn't about orphans, or hard financial times...it's about dealing with difficult people. like mrs.hannigan in annie. the orphans needed her and had to take her abuse for the most part...but wouldn't it have been nice if they could have set boundaries for themselves in order to keep her at bay??
i am so lucky to be surrounded by amazing boys and a loving man that support me as i deal with relationships that i find toxic. i am lucky. j and i have worked hard to find a place of trusting and understanding one another in hard circumstances...and we have succeeded.
some of my experience with toxic relationships have been with people that can be simply released into the abyss of the universe such as the family i discussed in the previous post about karate...they were toxic, mentally ill and potentially very harmful to my family. it was the right thing to do to set large boundaries to keep them from hurting my kids. i could not help them myself.
but then there are some relationships that are more challenging, relationships with people ingrained in one's life that cannot be simply cut off like fat from a roasting chicken. these relationships are necessary, yet can be toxic all the same. abusive even.
in such a case, i am finding, there needs to be clear boundaries. a verbally abusive family member cannot be enabled to be insensitive and hurtful. what excuse is there to allow oneself to get to the point of lashing out with hatred, volatility, curses and even violence? to get to the point of complete disrespect for people in their life...people who are a big part of their life. a person pushed to that type of extreme needs to seek help for themself. period. and cannot be allowed their cruelty. clear limits have to be stated and adhered to in order for the relationship to work at all.
not to say that that person or people need be denied forgiveness or love, or the chance to better themselves, though what they say may be hurtful, spiteful, cruel. i do believe that this type of person needs to be held accountable for their own hurtful reactions, outbursts and irreverence. however, from experience i can say that the abuser often times does not recognize their own abuse, no matter how hard the abused tries to show them. the abuser may try to run from ownership of it and even throw the blame for it onto the abused.
it is this point in the cycle of abuse when i realize i cannot help the abuser...but simply need to uphold my limits and protect and love my family, whether or not they all ask for it (some family members may take the abuse so as not to cause a stir, thus unwittingly enabling the abuse, but do not want it in their lives....unable to defend themselves for some fear is holding them back).
and thus it is...that i will not stand to see abusive behavior thrown at my family...nor will i stand for disrespect to them either, especially from someone whom we give unconditional support and energy to. i am setting clear boundaries and stating what i will and will not tolerate clearly. and this may feel uncomfortable for me to do...and for the others involved, it may also come as a relief to some who find it hard to defend themselves...it may feel hurtful to the abuser, but it is necessary for all involved. and perhaps that abuser will eventually see that their behavior has been cruel, and malicious, and simply abusive...and then again, perhaps not.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
karate...and fighting.
i feel like i am really making myself vulnerable by writing about this subject...and yet i am continuing to write about it. it may help someone else deal a problem in the future...so i must divulge...
a few years ago my family was part of a parent-run holistic school in our area. to sum it up briefly and unemotionally, the school was a haven for kids with some serious disabilites...some of those disabilities being that they were abused and thus abusive...and there was little supervision at the school and much protection from the governing body of such harmful kids...basically after a short while we realized the school posed a greater risk than it was worht and we left...the first of over a half dozen parent to abandon the idyllic vision the school tried to bring from the 60's.
there was one child in particular that in my opinion posed the biggest threat. he was 9/10 at the time and only liked to play with the 4 and 5 year olds. he was violent in his play and speach and actions...and he lied, stole and had accidents (still pooped inhis pants at school) he taught the 4, 5 and 6 year olds a game where you can kill the bad guys by sucking their...well...you can imagine. no one actually had physical abuse come to them...although the ideas placed before them could have been argued as abuse.
my son was the first to divulge the weirdness going on. we left the school immediately upon knowing that this was going on...only to have the mother of the said child remove the child from school...and to my knowledge he has never returned. i have not kept up on the family's gossip. nor have i listened to the hate talk they have tried to spread about my family in their circle of crazies.
seriously...i can't express to you the kind of mom the mom was adequately. she talked about fairies, and wondered why on earth didn't i smoke or do drugs after i refused her offer of a cigarette or a joint for the 50th time.
she was in outer space, exposing her kid to who knows what...and i don't dare lay blame on who was abusing the boy, but i do sincerely feel he was being abused. his behavior was learned. it was all about control. it was more than not okay. and a year before we had come to this school he had forced two kids several years younger than himself to do "things" to each other...no one told us until after we had come forward about our pkans to leave...although long after we voiced our suspicions... no one ever pressed charges. no one ever filed a report to save their own kids' butts from a "record"...
anyway. my kids started in a karate class tonight. said abusive kid is in this class. he is 4 or 5 years older than my oldest...and i worry. we have as much right to take the class as he does...not that we are trying to impose, but it is the best, closest, most affordable class and my kids have the right to take it.
seeing him. his crazy mother. made me remember the insanity of that school. of the people trying to protect this child. trying to sacrifice my child for his good. i felt defensive. offensive even. i don't know if i can handle having to sit in the same room as her once a week when really i want to wrestle her and make her see her lifestyle is really abusive to her kid...
sigh.
a few years ago my family was part of a parent-run holistic school in our area. to sum it up briefly and unemotionally, the school was a haven for kids with some serious disabilites...some of those disabilities being that they were abused and thus abusive...and there was little supervision at the school and much protection from the governing body of such harmful kids...basically after a short while we realized the school posed a greater risk than it was worht and we left...the first of over a half dozen parent to abandon the idyllic vision the school tried to bring from the 60's.
there was one child in particular that in my opinion posed the biggest threat. he was 9/10 at the time and only liked to play with the 4 and 5 year olds. he was violent in his play and speach and actions...and he lied, stole and had accidents (still pooped inhis pants at school) he taught the 4, 5 and 6 year olds a game where you can kill the bad guys by sucking their...well...you can imagine. no one actually had physical abuse come to them...although the ideas placed before them could have been argued as abuse.
my son was the first to divulge the weirdness going on. we left the school immediately upon knowing that this was going on...only to have the mother of the said child remove the child from school...and to my knowledge he has never returned. i have not kept up on the family's gossip. nor have i listened to the hate talk they have tried to spread about my family in their circle of crazies.
seriously...i can't express to you the kind of mom the mom was adequately. she talked about fairies, and wondered why on earth didn't i smoke or do drugs after i refused her offer of a cigarette or a joint for the 50th time.
she was in outer space, exposing her kid to who knows what...and i don't dare lay blame on who was abusing the boy, but i do sincerely feel he was being abused. his behavior was learned. it was all about control. it was more than not okay. and a year before we had come to this school he had forced two kids several years younger than himself to do "things" to each other...no one told us until after we had come forward about our pkans to leave...although long after we voiced our suspicions... no one ever pressed charges. no one ever filed a report to save their own kids' butts from a "record"...
anyway. my kids started in a karate class tonight. said abusive kid is in this class. he is 4 or 5 years older than my oldest...and i worry. we have as much right to take the class as he does...not that we are trying to impose, but it is the best, closest, most affordable class and my kids have the right to take it.
seeing him. his crazy mother. made me remember the insanity of that school. of the people trying to protect this child. trying to sacrifice my child for his good. i felt defensive. offensive even. i don't know if i can handle having to sit in the same room as her once a week when really i want to wrestle her and make her see her lifestyle is really abusive to her kid...
sigh.
curriculums...
so after much debate and research and quibbling in my own mind about the financial stresses of buying curriculums, i have done it! ordered them...and they are on their way.
i think getting some work of my own made me feel more comfortable with the cost factor. last winter was hard on us financially and the idea of overburdening us with expensive materials that we might not need felt idiotic.
but, i found the best products for what we wanted as a family and luckily for us they both offer payment plans. Calvert Homeschool for 4th and 2nd grade both without math (because we already have a wonderful math system from our school district.) and also Rosetta Stone Japanese for homeschoolers.
So, we will add to our math, herbology and all the art and writing and reading we are doing with some serious structure. i feel this is most important in learning a language. i had pieced together several books and dvd-r for learning japanese, but it is very disjointed. having a full, well organized system for learning to speak and read and write a language is by far a better idea. the other materials we have will still come in hand for enrichment, too.
and the academic curriculum is welcome. it is J's idea. a piece he needs to feel comfortable in the boys' schooling. a piece he feels people benefit from, routine. i can't really argue that point either. i had looked for a more progressive curriculum, however, along with progressive comes more work in organizing the materials and finding them, etc... with the new work project i have going on i am going to need all that time for making money... thus the ultimate decision to go with Calvert. we'll see how it turns out.
it's so exciting. the materials should be arriving any day. i can hardly wait to chat with my father-in-law in japanese!
i think getting some work of my own made me feel more comfortable with the cost factor. last winter was hard on us financially and the idea of overburdening us with expensive materials that we might not need felt idiotic.
but, i found the best products for what we wanted as a family and luckily for us they both offer payment plans. Calvert Homeschool for 4th and 2nd grade both without math (because we already have a wonderful math system from our school district.) and also Rosetta Stone Japanese for homeschoolers.
So, we will add to our math, herbology and all the art and writing and reading we are doing with some serious structure. i feel this is most important in learning a language. i had pieced together several books and dvd-r for learning japanese, but it is very disjointed. having a full, well organized system for learning to speak and read and write a language is by far a better idea. the other materials we have will still come in hand for enrichment, too.
and the academic curriculum is welcome. it is J's idea. a piece he needs to feel comfortable in the boys' schooling. a piece he feels people benefit from, routine. i can't really argue that point either. i had looked for a more progressive curriculum, however, along with progressive comes more work in organizing the materials and finding them, etc... with the new work project i have going on i am going to need all that time for making money... thus the ultimate decision to go with Calvert. we'll see how it turns out.
it's so exciting. the materials should be arriving any day. i can hardly wait to chat with my father-in-law in japanese!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
a micro organic elderberry business venture!
so...the boys and i have made an organic elderberry tincture...well, we're one week away from its completion. it is a two week process.
we are so excited about it and found that many other people are as well! elderberry is in the media spotlight for flu immunity boosting properties...so the kids have decided to open a little business to raise some money for homeschooling supplies. (note:we're not claiming it's miracle drug, or anything of the sort. :) but we've been taking elderberry syrup and we all feel great.)
they are selling their organic elderberry tincture for $8 an ounce. packaged in a dropper jar, it's made with organic elderberries and vegetable glycerin and spring water. and will be shipped for $4.50 priority mail anywhere in the continental USA. our first batch will be ready on tuesday the 20th of october and the second will be ready 28th of october. so far, all but two ounces from next week's batch are reserved, but there is plenty available to be shipped on the 28th.
anyone interested can leave a comment below and we can exchange info...f.y.i. i do have a paypal account or you can mail the kids a check...
we are so excited about it and found that many other people are as well! elderberry is in the media spotlight for flu immunity boosting properties...so the kids have decided to open a little business to raise some money for homeschooling supplies. (note:we're not claiming it's miracle drug, or anything of the sort. :) but we've been taking elderberry syrup and we all feel great.)
they are selling their organic elderberry tincture for $8 an ounce. packaged in a dropper jar, it's made with organic elderberries and vegetable glycerin and spring water. and will be shipped for $4.50 priority mail anywhere in the continental USA. our first batch will be ready on tuesday the 20th of october and the second will be ready 28th of october. so far, all but two ounces from next week's batch are reserved, but there is plenty available to be shipped on the 28th.
anyone interested can leave a comment below and we can exchange info...f.y.i. i do have a paypal account or you can mail the kids a check...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
elderberry & lemon balm
we have been following the monthly zine put out by luna herbs...or herbal roots.
last month we studied elderberry and this month, october, we are studying lemon balm. and i have to say, there is no coincidence that good things have been upon us because of it.
a study recently came out with elderberry being in the forefront as the herb to fight H1N1 virus...swine flu. it is supposedly a powerful antioxidant. we made some elderberry syrup, and are still in the process of making a tincture from dried elderberries...and i am a firm believer in its power as a profalactic. it has been unwittingly put to a test...
J has been sick with a debilitating cold for about a week. he has been home with us...potentially spreading his germs...yet not one of the kids nor i feel sick in the very least. i attribute this to the fact that we have been slurping delicious elderberry syrup everyday and i swear it is what has kept us healthy. J is usually the one who doesn't get sick! but, alas, he has not been part of our elderberry learning.
we made cookies from lemon balm tonight and they were delicious, too. lemon balm is an antiviral herb. and we are planning to use it to its fullest! thanks luna herbs! we love you.
xo
last month we studied elderberry and this month, october, we are studying lemon balm. and i have to say, there is no coincidence that good things have been upon us because of it.
a study recently came out with elderberry being in the forefront as the herb to fight H1N1 virus...swine flu. it is supposedly a powerful antioxidant. we made some elderberry syrup, and are still in the process of making a tincture from dried elderberries...and i am a firm believer in its power as a profalactic. it has been unwittingly put to a test...
J has been sick with a debilitating cold for about a week. he has been home with us...potentially spreading his germs...yet not one of the kids nor i feel sick in the very least. i attribute this to the fact that we have been slurping delicious elderberry syrup everyday and i swear it is what has kept us healthy. J is usually the one who doesn't get sick! but, alas, he has not been part of our elderberry learning.
we made cookies from lemon balm tonight and they were delicious, too. lemon balm is an antiviral herb. and we are planning to use it to its fullest! thanks luna herbs! we love you.
xo
Monday, October 5, 2009
Powwow
this monday began quite turmoiled. it felt like the sour taste one has in the mouth after vomiting. seriously it was rough.
J was home sick all weekend. sick to the point where he couldn't hold baby D or be too close with the kids so that he didn't get them sick. and of course they wanted to be near him so badly it hurt them. his being home, in essence, it felt more like having an extra child.
though i love being around my husband, this weekend was exhausting. especially after the long week i had had with new work, sending my jewelry off to a new shop for consigning, homeschool, and my general mommy duty stuff...oh boy...and of course the kids were sure to use poor behavior that was not normal to them, and well, to sum things up, i felt as though i am a very unsuccessful mother for sure.
this morning, monday, was no different...J was home and i began school only to have the boys completely not listen to me and putting up a fight over everything i was asking them to do. J just kept looking at me and trying to tell me how to handle it, but to me it just sounded like, "this is what you are doing wrong, pam...this is your fault because, pam"...and i nearly broke down in a fit of tears that in other times of my life would have put me out of commission for a good day or two.
i felt as though my efforts were in vain, like a horrible tired wreck of a woman with no more strength to muster. i don't get a break from my kids these days, ever. and well...i woke up from a longnight's sleep feeling completely exhausted the moment one of my sons opened his mouth.
but i am a mom. and there is no room for break-downs, melt downs, tantrums, tears, or being tired.
instead i pulled myself together, i forced myself to ignore the feeling of wanting to crumble and sat the kids down with me as their dad left for work. we had a Powwow. we gathered our strength.
we sat down cross-legged and talked to each other about the issues we have with each other, areas we need to improve on, like i need to be more patient and more kind when things go wrong...and Boo needs to be more vocal about things when he is asked questions and more present, more focused, less distracted...Bones needs to be more positive and do his work with less of a negative grudge and not create distractions. we also talked about our many strengths and the things we love about homeschooling and why we want to work on the things getting in the way of it. we want to homeschool, all three of us. we want it work we are willing to work on ourselves to make it work...and well, we left our little powwow feeling empowered.
thankfully.
it is a huge and wonderful task to school my children...but i do need to insert a place for myself to be able to breathe. i need a few moments a week to myself. and the plan had been for J to have the kids for cooking classes on saturday mornings so that i could kickbox and get out my stress and steam, but that isn't working. i need to find another way. sigh. this is a big task in itself.
xo
J was home sick all weekend. sick to the point where he couldn't hold baby D or be too close with the kids so that he didn't get them sick. and of course they wanted to be near him so badly it hurt them. his being home, in essence, it felt more like having an extra child.
though i love being around my husband, this weekend was exhausting. especially after the long week i had had with new work, sending my jewelry off to a new shop for consigning, homeschool, and my general mommy duty stuff...oh boy...and of course the kids were sure to use poor behavior that was not normal to them, and well, to sum things up, i felt as though i am a very unsuccessful mother for sure.
this morning, monday, was no different...J was home and i began school only to have the boys completely not listen to me and putting up a fight over everything i was asking them to do. J just kept looking at me and trying to tell me how to handle it, but to me it just sounded like, "this is what you are doing wrong, pam...this is your fault because, pam"...and i nearly broke down in a fit of tears that in other times of my life would have put me out of commission for a good day or two.
i felt as though my efforts were in vain, like a horrible tired wreck of a woman with no more strength to muster. i don't get a break from my kids these days, ever. and well...i woke up from a longnight's sleep feeling completely exhausted the moment one of my sons opened his mouth.
but i am a mom. and there is no room for break-downs, melt downs, tantrums, tears, or being tired.
instead i pulled myself together, i forced myself to ignore the feeling of wanting to crumble and sat the kids down with me as their dad left for work. we had a Powwow. we gathered our strength.
we sat down cross-legged and talked to each other about the issues we have with each other, areas we need to improve on, like i need to be more patient and more kind when things go wrong...and Boo needs to be more vocal about things when he is asked questions and more present, more focused, less distracted...Bones needs to be more positive and do his work with less of a negative grudge and not create distractions. we also talked about our many strengths and the things we love about homeschooling and why we want to work on the things getting in the way of it. we want to homeschool, all three of us. we want it work we are willing to work on ourselves to make it work...and well, we left our little powwow feeling empowered.
thankfully.
it is a huge and wonderful task to school my children...but i do need to insert a place for myself to be able to breathe. i need a few moments a week to myself. and the plan had been for J to have the kids for cooking classes on saturday mornings so that i could kickbox and get out my stress and steam, but that isn't working. i need to find another way. sigh. this is a big task in itself.
xo
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