my oldest son, Boo, who is 9, woke up this morning before anyone else...well, daddy was off to work before the sun rose and i was up doing yoga. he cuddled up in a furry throw on the couch and watched me on the floor in front of him...the house was dark, just full of a minute bit of fresh sunlight reflecting off the first snow of 2009...
all of a sudden i saw him as a man. it was the oddest sensation. he will grow tall and have muscles and facial hair...he will start to smell soon. right now he still has the tangy but delicious scent of a dirty little boy...but he already has started to flex his need for private space and time alone....soon he'll be gone and this time period of caring for him, raising him will be over as if it were a quick flash.
it is hard to imagine my life without his insights everyday. he is such a transcendentalist... he keeps me from having my feet too stuck in what i think is reality...he'll always pull another layer out to keep things from being stagnant. such a beautiful mind...such an amazing kid.
and this is part of why i homeschooled him this year, because it is all over so quick...and i wanted to raise my own children, to be with them, to truly know them and also to allow them to be themselves. we recently had a big group of friends over for thanksgiving and one of them commented on how amazing our environment is, that our kids are in a place where they are safe to be their true selves. i want to preserve that. to let them grow as individuals.
it is easy to blend in and be one of the masses if you're stuffed into a box enough times, but it is hard to stand on one's own after needing to feel the security of likeness for so long. i have been witnessing this in people lately...and i am hoping to help my kids escape it. i want them to have full and fantastic lives of their own and feel as though they would burst with love for themselves whenever they think of who they are...just like i do for them whenever i look at them.
how do you make time slow down? i want to be in this cocoon of my little family forever. *sigh*
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