ohhhhhh...shizzle and a purl stitch.

i have been in a real funk lately...feeling some hard times...hard lessons to learn. i suppose it's par for the course...we all have to grow and growth doesn't come without pain.

the good part about this experience is that i have looked inward a lot throughout the whole undermining mess, trying to figure out where the bad feelings, the insecurities, are coming from. and i have realized that i truly love myself...and my life. that i need to stop looking for love and acceptance and kindness from others...no matter who they are. i have come to really understand that to be happy, i need to find and hold dear the goodness i have within...the sweetness that comes from caring for myself and my family, appreciating the beauty in my life, from giving my all to meaningful work. i don't need to look outside of me. it's all right here. and it's protective like an armor. it doesn't matter what hurtful things people do or say with a strong heart. <3

luckily, when i look inward there is a bright light shining. i am happy. i am warm. i have enough love and light within myself to get me through any hard time. plus, i have the best friends anyone could ever wish for. no matter what fate has in store for me, i have the strength to handle it.

i do admit though...a new $210 avocado green, scoop neck, chunkily knit, knee length sweater dress that i found on the clearance rack for a mere 5 bucks at tj maxx didn't hurt either. it's beautiful. the knit is almost backward looking...like it was purled instead. i love it. it's clever and so well made. with leg warmers and knee high socks on, well...i am ruling my little kingdom quite happily. i just may borrow one of the kids' crowns from the dress-up box tonight.

note to self: ~must not forget that i am queen bee.